The Opening Ceremony

The Brazilian

mmmmm...beer

Yeah..right

Sydney Morning Herald

October 12, 2009

THE World Masters Games officially began with last night's opening ceremony, but it was the Thornleigh players that had everyone talking.

The oldest competitor in the Games, Dave Walker, 110, won gold for his age group in the "most games without a win" finals and is entered in four other events, including Baseball.

Another highlight of the day was the Softball at Milton. Sydney Spirit from Westleigh, won the best lipstick competition. The team, broke the world record with their. 5.64mm high gloss lippy coverage. Sharon K said ''There was no one else my age, but it felt really good and I'm quite pleased. I also beat up an 80-year-old with a softball bat,'' she said. ''It's all about meeting new friends and catching up with old ones and I like the competition. I still feel fit, sexy, healthy and strong. There is no f@#K'n way I'm retiring any time soon.”

Kiwi, 47, from New Zealand, won the inaugural abusing umpires competition ''I've been training six days a week since I split my lip open and I've got to replace my tongue. I'm under strict instruction from my doctor not to abuse them, but I'm going to prove him wrong,'' he said.

Also at the Sydney Olympic Park Athletic Centre doping officials were conducting tests for banned substances and results would be available in a few days. Wozza and QC were a tad worried as we go to press as their urine samples were looking dodgy when they filled the jar at the doping centre.

Wolverine was spotted in action again yesterday, competing in the pie eating whilst picking up the ladies challenge. The man is a marvel and the true spirit of these friendly games. He was last seen escorting Miss Sydney Games 1934 off the premises. Go the Cougar....

The Minister for Ageing, Justine Elliot, said: "Competitors in the World Masters Games prove that you are never too old to beat up other competitors, slang off match officials, skip work, get fit, get pissed after the game, have some fun and enjoy your sport through active participation. She was last heard muttering....

“Those buggers from Thornleigh, like it or not, are the true spirit of sport in this great country of ours''